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How do we say goodbye to a year like no other? How do our typical seasonal rituals of taking stock of the past year and making resolutions for the year ahead fit for us, given all we’ve been through together? I’m sure there are many others considering this right now. Perhaps others are drafting similar blogs and trying to offer words of comfort or inspiration. But this year, everything we counted on and had come to expect was turned on its head, so why should we employ the same approaches to sending off 2020 and welcoming in 2021? Yes, we want to return to feeling hopeful and as if things are returning to normal, but what is normal after all this? And, do we really want to return to that perceived normal? I do know we need hope to survive, so that is a worthy area to connect with during this transition out of 2020. As an artist I spend a great deal of time in contemplation and disrupting so-called “normal.” I also negotiate the space of uncertainty on a regular basis, as the creative process is filled with unknowns and imminent failures. I work with quieting fear, as both an artist and as a coach to other artists. But 2020 brought forward a new level of fear for us. It brought forward instability, mistrust, inequality, hatred, and too much suffering and loss. It also brought forward courage, fortitude, patience and compassion. It really just depended on what you were looking at and paying attention to, as all of it was there for us to see. 2020 gave us a type of wake-up call that shook loose some of our belief systems and asked us to question what our lives are about and for. It may be some time before we are able to look back with dispassionate, curious eyes and see the truth of this time and experience the learning it may have to offer us. For now, we stay the course, manage as best we can and, as much as possible, accept what we cannot change...but change what we can. Using our discernment and wisdom to the difference. In thinking about how I might construct my own ritual for this marker in time – the arrival of a New Year – celebration doesn't feel quite right. I’ve been asking myself, “What, exactly would I be celebrating?” While others may feel differently and are looking forward to ringing in the New Year with some joyful times, I’m noticing that I feel more reflective and like I want to learn something from all we’ve been through this past year. I often reflect on the year that is passing, but this time I feel as if I haven’t had enough distance just yet to do it in the same way I always do. But at this moment two words feel very present for me – curiosity and compassion. I am curious to lean into the lessons of 2020. And, I am meeting myself with the deepest compassion for my attempts at processing something so profoundly life altering. I’m not likely to “get it” at this time – and perhaps never will – but I will begin the pursuit anyway, because that feels like forward movement. And as the writer and poet Victoria Erickson says so eloquently: “Remember forward movement. Forward is the way of trust. Forward is the way of forgiveness. Forward is the way of action. Forward is the way of healing. Forward is essentially the way of life.”
In an attempt to begin to assimilate some of what is changing within me as everything around me has changed, I have decided to write a letter to 2020.
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