THE GIFT OF UNCERTAINTY
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There is only one certainty in life and that is that everything is in a state of change. And even when we see evidence of this all around us, we spend a great deal of our time trying to control aspects of our lives to provide ourselves with a sense of security – an illusional certainty. Perhaps for a while our efforts even seem to shore us up – at least we feel some temporary relief.
Then every once in a while something comes along in life – into our direct experience – that clearly denotes that there is only change and that certainty doesn’t exist. Right now we’re in a time of heightened uncertainty. We feel a sense of loss around the rapid changes and fear of what lies ahead – the unknown future. We are not sure how to cope with what has always been true – change is inevitable – and we may not clearly understand the needs we have as we adjust and adapt to what is happening, and how self-compassion can help us.
We are bearing the weight of uncertainty and feeling its full force. How can we move through our lives with this looming over us? How can we make art, be creative, play and experience joy when everything we thought we knew has been turned upside down? It doesn’t seem accessible for us somehow or even appropriate.
These thoughts and feelings are a normal response to a crisis and are not to be judged – no one truly knows another’s struggle. What we may be experiencing is nothing like what our neighbour might be going through – it’s personal and each of us is responding in our own way to this. We let go of judgement of ourselves and of others.
Compassion is the next natural response. We feel the depth of our own suffering and can also understand the pain that others are going through as well. Our ability to empathize and join others where they are is a gift we share, and a beautiful one.
But how easily do we extend compassion towards ourselves? During times of stress do we acknowledge that what we’re going through is hard and offer ourselves love and support for our perseverance and ability to endure? I know meeting ourselves with compassion doesn’t come easily for most of us. We’d rather choose to berate ourselves for not being better at things. We imagine that we should be responding differently than we are, or we should have jumped into action by now and have taken steps to mitigate what is happening.
We mostly tend to criticize ourselves – and always in the quiet recesses of our thoughts – when we most need to offer ourselves support and encouragement. Sometimes this criticism has become such a habit that we are not even aware we’re doing it – until we are and then we’re shocked at the fierceness of our self-talk.
As Artists we are often working to clearly hear and reframe our inner dialogue. In fact, the majority of the work I do with my coaching clients and Group Program participants is to help them find a way to recognize their inner state, to hear clearly what they are saying to themselves and then work with that. We focus on being mindful of our thoughts and energy and we learn to reframe any unsupportive dialogue into something more helpful and aligned with our purpose. This, along with meeting ourselves with compassion and curiosity, is what The Artist’s Mindset is built upon. When we have a strong, resilient creative mindset we are capable of navigating the emotional labour that art-making can be. We reside in a place of trust with ourselves, knowing that we have a stable foundation and a set of tools to help us face anything that arrives on our creative path.
But what happens when everything changes so quickly and with such broad reach? How can we find a place for our art-making and ourselves in a time of deep uncertainty and loss?
A mentor of mine offered this question to a group of Artists in discussion about this topic. He said to ask ourselves, “What can’t be lost during this time?” I love that question for the hope that it provides – you mean there are things that can’t be lost, when it seems everything is falling away? What a revelation.
What can’t be lost is our creativity, our art, our courage and our compassion. These belong to us and are untouchable. Our relationship to our art-making can be different and changeable at times, but it is always present for us. We are the source of our creativity – it resides within us and lives through us. This relationship is symbiotic and deeply connected. It can never be lost, only clouded from our awareness when we’re feeling disconnected from ourselves.
When the quality of our energy is affected by external circumstances – like stress, loss and unprecedented change – we don’t lose the relationship to our art or the ability to make it. But the relationship we have to our art will be a reflection of something new, because we’re in a state of change as we adapt to the new circumstances. The work we choose to make can’t help but be a reflection of that inner state – if we’re willing to allow our process to naturally unfold.
If we try to make the art we were engaged with before the change-making event, we may find ourselves feeling disconnected and we’ll struggle. We need to make space for what wants to arrive –the new expression, the internal shifts. Our art might look different right now as a result. We may want to work smaller or bigger. We may feel called to use a different palette, revisit a medium we had once used, or explore a new one.
The change we are experiencing will be evident in the work because we are authentic creators – tuning into our inner states. We’re truthful, we’re connected, and we’re responsive. We honour ourselves and allow compassion to hold the space through which we extend acceptance to these new openings and discoveries. We trust this rhythm, this dance. It’s what being an artist is about – listening and believing in our own wisdom...and following the dance, without looking at our feet.
When the weight of uncertainty is upon us, we bend with it and invite in the new arrivals. We don’t hold tightly to what we know or have done in the past. We lean into the understanding that the certainty of change is all there is.
If you’re struggling to make your art right now, take some time to tune in and ask yourself some questions. Try writing out your responses in a journal or sketchbook and, as much as possible, just listen to your instincts and intuition. Your inner artist knows exactly what’s needed right now...and our problem solving, reactionary brain just needs to step aside for a bit as we feel our way through this time.
I have been finding that I am attracted to making work that feels fragile and impermanent. Drawings and collage papers are loosely pinned together and layered. They are not paintings, they are not easily moved or feel like they need to be more than they are. All I know is they feel good to make...and seem to capture something about my inner experience right now. I don’t need to show them or attach the same intention behind them that my other work posesses. They’re new and unpredictable, and they are strangely comforting.
Here are some prompts to help you explore where you’re at with yourself right now. They may help you to find some clarity around where your energy wants to go in your creative work and how to help yourself get there:
If you were to completely let go of what you think you should be making right now, what do you feel like making? What actions or qualities do you feel drawn to at this time? Is there something new that is calling to you or is it something familiar, maybe somewhere you’ve been before with your work?
If you were to make art that was only for you, never to be seen by anyone and to serve no other purpose than to meet you where you are, what would you make?
When you tune in to your inner state, what do you notice about it’s quality? Is it tight or loose? Is it firm or sticky? Is it in a frenzied state or is it numb? Is it prickly or heavy? Make a list of words that represent the quality of your feelings right now.
What art would you make to represent these qualities of your inner state? What materials would you use? What colours? What size? Would its nature be permanent – like an object – or impermanent – like an event or installation?
What do you know that helps you to settle yourself? Can you offer that to yourself before beginning your creative work? Do you need to move vigorously and dance out some energy before beginning or would it be more helpful to sit in quiet mediation, taking deep breaths?
If you were to follow your intuition completely and allow yourself to be led, what would be the first action you would take? What would be the next action? And the next?
What thoughts arrive for you when you consider the idea that the purpose of your art-making is a vehicle for your wellbeing? Is this purpose enough to move you towards making your art? If not, what purpose does move you towards making your art and does that inspire you right now?
Can you give yourself permission to move towards what feels better for you right now, even if that means a new direction in your work or a change of focus for the time being? What would need to change within you to grant this space of permission to yourself?
I hope these prompts help guide you to invite in more curiosity and ease into your art practice right now. This may not be the best time to push at your growing edges and challenge yourself to dig deeply.
While facing our fears and limitations is something I encourage and work with my clients around at length, we also need to allow ourselves a space to adapt to the changes we’re facing. This time of uncertainty is adding more weight to the emotional labour that art-making is, and we need to recognize that and be kinder to our artist-selves as we adjust.
Thinking of you and holding an intention for each of you to discover something meaningful for yourself through this time – no matter how small. Perhaps it will be a new understanding of how self-compassion can make you a stronger artist as well as a healthier person.