INTERNAL VALIDATION
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One of the mindset skills that can help us to be more resilient as artists, and to make work rooted in our truth, is to shift from relying on external validation as a measure of our worth as an artist to internal validation.
External validation is like a dopamine hit—it may feel good in the moment, giving us a feeling of euphoria, but it quickly fades and leaves us unsteady once more.
This happens because we are looking outside ourselves for acceptance and encouragement, and we are essentially saying to ourselves that our self-judgment is flawed—we need someone else to tell us we're okay, successful, interesting, valuable, etc. But by relying on others to tell us who we are and why we matter, we're subject to the shifting sands of personal opinions and popularity. This can leave us feeling vulnerable as we continue to search for yet another confirmation of our worth and validity when the well runs dry.
Seeking external validation is a natural part of being human—we want to know we are acceptable and that we will be included. Because of this, many of us have been looking outside ourselves for acceptance for so long that we don't know what healthy self-confidence looks and feels like, or why it matters. As a result, we may not know how to stop seeking external validation, or how to begin to offer ourselves the support and acceptance we need. We may be unwittingly locked in a false belief that others' opinions of us are both true and consequential for us.
So how do we begin to cultivate internal validation skills?
Become more mindful. Firstly, we begin to practice mindfulness—turning our awareness towards ourselves and becoming curious about our nature, meeting what arrives with acceptance and curiosity. This may be a developing practice for us, and we simply want to start where we are by just noticing our current internal dialogue and the patterns that are present for us. We do this by becoming more curious—observing ourselves without judgment.
Acknowledge yourself. Perhaps you become aware that you tend towards self-criticism—as many of us do. Maybe you notice that you focus more on your failures, your struggles, and what you have yet to accomplish or succeed at. The shift you want to make is to take stock of your wins—even the smallest of accomplishments are worth acknowledging.
I often suggest to my coaching clients that they end their studio sessions with a written acknowledgement statement, noticing one small thing that they did well or accomplished, even if it is just that they showed up to the studio that day.
Speak with kindness. When we begin to listen to our inner dialogue, we may be hearing for the first time just how harshly we are speaking to ourselves. At the first hint of failing at something or making a mistake, we may hear ourselves saying something like, "I'm such an idiot! What a mess I have made."
Words matter, and the words we speak to ourselves matter most. When we commit to speaking to ourselves with more compassion and acceptance, we will notice that we become more resilient and the natural ups and downs of creative work have less impact on us.
Forgive your mistakes. Self-trust grows by not abandoning ourselves when mistakes happen. When we embrace our imperfect nature and allow ourselves to explore possibilities without the pressure of having to be perfect, we learn that we can fail at something and find value in the information we discovered in the process.
In creative work, failure is inevitable, and being able to embrace it rather than internalize it as a personal flaw is essential. When we become failure-resilient, we are willing to risk more, and that leads us to trusting our artistic instincts.
Focus on process over outcomes. Our efforts as artists are meaningful, and build skills and confidence. We just need to make lots of work—staying engaged and in the process.
Often we feel a sense of unrest around our creative work. We have a vision for our art that is often ahead of us and acts as a guiding force, leading us forward in a constant search. This is a good thing, and every step we take towards that vision is valuable.
Learning how to sit with the discomfort of this search is honouring that vision. When we are focused on the outcome, we remove ourselves from the creative process—we are simply no longer present, we're in the future. We may be thinking of what a successful outcome will mean for us, who will buy the work, what response we'll have, what opportunities will come as a result—all of which have nothing to do with being in the moment with the creative act.
Honour your feelings, and curate your thoughts. This same presence extends to how we handle emotion. In art-making, emotions just seem to come with the territory. They are our built-in guidance system, so it's good to honour them. We want to allow ourselves space to process what we're feeling.
And we want to acknowledge what we're feeling, while also being sensitive to the thoughts that are underpinning those emotions. Is an unsupportive thought, or negative inner commentary, causing the feelings you're having? If so, recognizing that allows you to reframe those thoughts into something more supportive—something that aligns with your intentions and values of self-support and validation.
When we can offer ourselves self-compassion instead of criticism, and acknowledge our incremental progress rather than apply pressure to be better or different than who we are, we begin to build a foundation of self-trust. We no longer feel the need to look outside ourselves for validation, but turn inward toward our own sensibilities and values for the clarity we are seeking. That's when we stop asking for permission to make our work—and simply make it.
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